How to Apply for Your Child's American Passport in the Central African Republic

A Do-It-Yourself Guide

1. Call the US Embassy and schedule an appointment. No problem.

2. Find the US Embassy. Easy enough; helps to know some French. Also, try not to spill water all over your child’s birth certificate and other important papers during the taxi ride. Don’t forget to bring money.

3. Don’t be thrown off when the Vice-Consul appears with a checklist and explains, “Sorry, we don’t do too many of these here.” He’ll think you’re a novice (which you are).

4. Fill out the application.

5. Get a passport photo taken. Simple. Go on over to the nearest Photo Lab, skirt the hucksters snapping pictures out front and ask for a passport photo inside at the desk. Watch bemusedly as they try to hold your child’s head up long enough to get a picture, wait a while, fork over some cash and it’s done.

6. Get a passport photo taken. Oops. You need to clarify it’s for an American passport. Otherwise you get something like this:

Not quite the required 2 square inches. Swallow your pride, go back, fork over some cash and get larger prints.

7. Get a passport photo taken. No good. Difficult as it may be for your two-week old child, the applicant must present both ears.

Go to another photo lab to save some dignity. And make sure you don’t try to get this done between noon and 3PM. Everything is closed. Sorry.

8. Get a passport photo taken. Return to the lab at an acceptable hour and ask for an American passport. Watch bemusedly as they try to get your child’s attention, hold her still and get both ears in the picture. Fork over some cash and be on your way.

9. Get a passport photo taken. Make sure the background is brilliant white. Grayish white, off white, mostly white or any other shade of white simply won’t do. Keep it under control as the Vice-Consul refers to your photo technicians as a “bunch of clowns”. Take matters into your own hands. Lay your child on the back of a poster on a sidewalk in the sun, try to wake her up and snap this gem.

Then have it printed by a fellow missionary who took pity on your trials and tribulations.

10. Present your photo at the US Embassy. Feel free to sing the Star Spangled Banner with joy as it is accepted and your now complete application is sent on its way (after you fork over much more cash).

11. Wait the prescribed 4 weeks for the passport to return from processing in neighboring Cameroon.

12. Wait many more weeks.

13. Drive 8-28 hours to pick up your child’s official US Passport!

We’re still on step 12. This guide would have been very helpful had we been able to read it beforehand. Had we done so, I have a strong suspicion that steps 5-9 could have been condensed into a single step. Oh well. Next time.